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Known Fighter Of Females, RB Kareem Hunt, Signs 1-year Deal With Browns

After joining the illustrious ranks of Greg Hardy, Frank Clark, Reuben Foster, Darren Sharper, Shawne Merriman, Josh Brown, Tyreek Hill, Aaron Hernandez, Rae Carruth and O.J. Simpson, noted scumbag Kareem Hunt is back! Today the Browns signed the ‘star’ running back to a 1-year deal, thus ending our long national nightmare.

I could not be more thrilled about this news because if pushing, kicking and attempting to beat down a woman half your size isn’t something a professional athlete can’t be welcomed back with open arms after – then we really have lost our way as a society.  I mean have you seen him play?  What a difference maker! This leads me to the question we’ve all clearly been thinking, did the Chiefs make a huge mistake by cutting him? Well, Tom Brady and that Lombardi raised high over his head might say they did. Sure, it would have been a PR nightmare and morally abhorrent, but the Chiefs are masters when it comes to controlling the narrative. No one even talks about Tyreek Hill and that ONE time he strangled then punched his pregnant girlfriend in the stomach right? After three Pro Bowl appearances who really even remembers? He’s so electric!

I, for one, am glad the Browns did the right thing and gave this kid another shot.  After almost two and a half whole months (!) of being ostracized by the league he can now return to fame and fortune on the field.  We really are making progress here.  Thanks, Goodell.  As with every other potentially damaging and or heinous act under your watch you have again avoided a potential black mark on the eye of the league and kept the virtue of the Shield intact.

Now, I am not in any position to judge. Two weeks ago I woke up in another state with a hangover to last me the next three days and no concrete memory of how I got there, so it is comforting to know that when my watchful eye is away from my post, Roger is there to make sure nothing slips past the perimeter, our true watcher on the wall. Rest easy, friends, the league has never been in better hands.

Written by Josh Hans

Josh Hans is a contributor to The Schpiel.

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