Eliot Spitzer’s Sleazy Hooker-Hiding Ways Exposed!

A hooker claims Spitzer frequently hid her in luggage to conceal his extramarital affair

Former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, who was run from office due to his lustful exploits with prostitutes, has been revealed as a Super Chad who hid his mistress in a suitcase in order to transport her to his mansion without any noisy neighbors getting wise to his exploits.

Right now, our own Super Chad President Donald J. Trump has got to be saying: “Why didn’t I think of that?”

“He used to sneak me into his Fifth Avenue apartment in a black suitcase . . . when his wife was away,’’ hooker Svetlana Travis Zakharova said in an exclusive interview with the New York Post.

She noted that Spitzer was a thot-patrolling expert with a firm pimp hand: “My knees would be up by my face. When the doorman would ask if he could help, Eliot would say, ‘No, thanks.’ ”

Zakharova noted that Spitzer pulled off this technique at least fifteen times without his clueless wife, Silda, ever finding out. She also claims that Spitzer once choked her during sex – like some hot action you might see in ‘Fifty Shades of Grey.’ Women love that sh-t! Spitz was never shy about keeping things spicy in the bedroom.

“He used to make me buy sex toys, dildos . . . and long-term [erection] gel . . . a leash with a choker . . . I would throw them out after we used them and then buy new ones the next time we were together,’’ she added.

Spitzer also kept his mistress in line by informing her of his other girlfriends so she wouldn’t get a big head, which is straight out of Game 101.

“He complained about [another girlfriend] — he said she was annoying,’’ Zakharova said.

In order to win political office in a blue state, Spitzer had to hide his true Super Chad stature from the deluded and unsuspecting public. He acted like a traditional politician, hiding his supreme virility under the cover of darkness. If he had the stones to stand strong by his infidelities like DJT has throughout the years, Eliot Spitzer may be in the White House right now.

Written by Joshua Finkelberg

Joshua Finkelberg is a contributor for The Schpiel.


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