Dear Chelsea Handler: Nobody Wants To See You Naked

Ms. Handler is the example of what happens after a woman grows old after embracing feminism

Feminist comedienne Chelsea Handler has seen better days. After hosting a popular cable TV show, she made the jump to Netflix and became political. She thought she could stop Trump, but failed miserably, getting cancelled on the streaming service that doesn’t even really care about ratings.

“Like so many across the country, the past presidential election and the countless events that have unfolded since have galvanized me,” Handler wrote on Twitter following Trump’s presidency. “From the national level down to the grassroots, it’s clear our decisions at the ballot box next year will mark a defining moment for our nation.”

Unfortunately for Chelsea, her diseased mind is tripling down on her failed civic pursuits. After refusing to settle down and have kids when she was actually attractive in her youth, Handler is well on her way to catlady-ville at 43 years old. Her prime is clearly in her rear-view mirror.

Handler was rather attractive in her youth. She could have been married, started a family, and kept her sanity. She instead shirked her duties to nature and society in order to become a raunchy attention craving “entertainer” who certainly performed many “Weinsteins” to make her way through the entertainment industry without much discernible talent.

But the wheels are coming off the Handler express very quickly, as she is now showing off her naked, hideous body as apart of a voting drive for Democrats.

“You have to vote, like your life depends on it. Vote!” the naked skank urged to her Instagram followers. The moron also released an op/ed in Newsweek urging voters to elect Democrats who will prevent America from being great again.

“Give the old crusty white men who run the Republican political asylum what they truly deserve, America—a swift kick in the political groin on November 6,” the vapid thot wrote.

Millions of young women should be cautioned. You may think you are hot sh-t now, but if you spend your prime years drinking, doing drugs, pursuing vain pursuits, and riding the carousel so to speak, you may end up with as pathetic of an existence as Chelsea Handler showing your old wrinkly funbags to gawking strangers desperately attempting to fill the void in your miserable, wasted life.

Written by Joshua Finkelberg

Joshua Finkelberg is a contributor for The Schpiel.


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