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Cory Booker: I So Totally Have a Girlfriend, Like Seriously, Guys!

The flamboyant Senator wants to be President and might be hiding some baggage to help his ambitions

Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ) has finally dispelled rumors that have been plaguing the man for years. The flamboyant lisping Presidential hopeful has been rumored to burn the donut, as masculine Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro would say, but he maintains that he is as straight as an arrow.

“I, I got a boo,” Booker told Charlamagne tha God during an episode of The Breakfast Club radio program. “I’m dating someone [who] is very special.”

Booker even mentions that marriage might be in the cards with this unnamed woman if it would help his political ambitions.

“There’s two more years, so give me some time,” Booker said. “My girlfriend might listen to this.”

“What have I gotten myself into?” he added. “Out of all the issues we talked about this is the most uncomfortable part of this interview.”

But why is Booker so uncomfortable with his sexuality? Is it because he is telling a fib? Recently, he was seen with washed up Hollywood actress Rosario Dawson, who used to be attractive twenty years ago and no doubt made many producers very happy in backrooms. The pair attended a showing of Broadway’s Dear Even Hansen together. Was this a romantic adventure, or is Booker just an avid fan of Broadway as many people of a certain lifestyle tend to be?

If Booker was revealed to be a closeted donut burner, it wouldn’t be the first time that Democrats have allegedly been involved in such behavior. Barack Hussein Obama, the mysterious Islamic figure who rose out of nowhere to be selected President of the United States, was nicknamed “Bathhouse Barry” after a Chicago man emerged claiming to be his former lover.

Larry Sinclair sounded the alarms about Bathhouse Barry’s crack-smoking homoerotic adventures, which were of course covered up by the mainstream media:

This is a common thread when it comes to the Democrats. When they aren’t lying about their racial affiliation to get ahead, they are hiding their true sexual history or other lurid secrets. Booker may or may not be a homosexual, but if he is, he should just come out with it already. After all, not every Senator can be a virile p-ssyslaying stallion like Lindsey Graham!

Written by Joshua Finkelberg

Joshua Finkelberg is a contributor for The Schpiel.

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