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Black Power: Yeezus Arrives At The White House

Kanye West left the world stunned and stupefied during a legendary Oval Office rant

Few thought that President Donald Trump could follow-up the Singapore summit featuring North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un with something even more amazing and improbable, but he may have just done it by allowing Yeezus to grace the White House.

Kanye West, superstar rapper and avowed supporter of the President, addressed the world today during a press conference in the Oval Office. He ranted for ten minutes, addressing issues ranging from repealing the 13th Amendment, criminal justice reform, mental health, the importance of economic prosperity, the plantation mindset amongst American blacks, and other crucial issues.

Here are some of the highlights from the conference:

“I did say abolish with the hat on, because why would you keep something that’s a trap door? If you’re building a floor, the constitution is the base of our country, would you build a trap door and accidentally something happens, you fall and end up next to the uni-bomber? You got to remove all that trap door out of the relationship. The four gentlemen that wrote the 13th amendment, didn’t look like the people they were amending,” West said about the need to abolish the 13th Amendment.

“I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was connected with a neuropsychologist that works with athletes in the NBA and NFL. He looked at my brain. 98 percent on the IQ test and I had a 75 percent of all human beings but I was counting eight numbers backwards. He said that I actually wasn’t bipolar, I had sleep deprivation, which could cause dementia 10 to 20 years from now, where I wouldn’t even remember my son’s name,” West said of his mental health problems.

“This is what our president should be flying in. We’re going to have Apple work on this plane. What I need Saturday Night Live and the liberals to improve on is, if [Donald Trump] don’t look good, then we don’t look good. This is our president. He has to be the freshest, the flyest, the flyest planes, the best factories, and we have to make our core be empowered,” West said of his futuristic airplane project that he is working on with Apple.

“One of the moves I love that liberals try to do, a liberal will try to try to control a black person through the concept of racism because they know we are very proud, emotional people. So when I say, ‘I like Trump” to someone who is liberal, they say, “Oh, but he’s racist.” You think racism could control me? That don’t stop me, that’s an invisible wall,” West said of the mental slavery that liberals attempt to use to control African-Americans.

“I made a hat that says ‘Make America Great.’ I would love to see, at the Super Bowl, Trump wearing the ‘Make America Great’ hat and Colin wearing the ‘Make America Great’ hat. Showing that we can bend a bit on this side and we can learn how to be malleable in the infinite universe that we are. We don’t have to stick to old traditions. We are one unit,” West said about the need to build bridges.

“It was something about when I put this hat on that made me feel like Superman. You made a Superman — that’s my favorite superhero — you made a Superman cape. … I think it’s the bravery that helps you beat this game called life. They tried to scare me into not wearing this hat — my own friends. This hat, it gives me power in a certain way,” West said of the magical powers given to him by his great friend and hero, the God Emperor.

As expected, liberal figures who profess themselves to love diversity and tolerance rushed to Twitter to castigate a proud, bold black man for daring to think for himself.

Regardless of the haters, Kanye is out there and loving every minute of it. His professional prospects have never looked better, and we may even be looking at Kanye West in the Oval Office in 2024 or another year.

They all laughed at Trump too, but now they’re crying. They may be crying when real black power (not that African Muslim dictator crap that We the People rejected from Ubunga) hits the United States of America, and Kanye West reigns as the 46th President of the United States.

Written by Joshua Finkelberg

Joshua Finkelberg is a contributor for The Schpiel.

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