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Anderson Cooper Gets Trashed, Talks About Mom’s Lurid Sex Life On Live TV!

The pressure of being decimated by President Trump is clearly getting to this known consumer of salty wods

CNN’s Anderson Cooper is one of the top fake news hacks in the game, but he has seen better days. He was drowning his sorrows live on the air yesterday as the new year commenced.

“Ah! Gaw! Ah! Aw! It’s like burning your lungs! Aw!” Cooper exclaimed as he shamelessly guzzled shots of Tequila. He seems to be very accustomed with sucking down repellent fluids!

The extremely homoerotic display can be seen in full here:

After he was buzzing, the inebriated fop started blabbing about his skanky socialite mother’s lurid sex life. His mother, Gloria Vanderbilt, is a railroad heiress who was born into a life of incredible privilege, and her gash was equally privileged as it was ravaged by some Hollywood’s most esteemed wieners.

It is no surprise why Cooper turned out to be such a soulless degenerate. It is literally in his blood. He saw his mother’s nether regions getting flambeed on the regular by Vito Corleone as well as countless other pipe-layers of the 1960s and 70s. Cooper obviously decided at an early age that he wanted a piece of that hard, throbbing action.

The LGBT community is certainly not well-served by Cooper being the living embodiment of every stereotype against them!

Written by Saul Levine

Saul Levine is a contributor to The Schpiel.

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